As a mom, I have certain ideals about what being a “good mom” means. This usually comes from looking at what other moms are doing excellently and then aspiring to do likewise. Yet more often than not, I end up feeling that I’m sorely lacking.
But recently, I had a liberating a-ha moment that set me free from those negative thoughts and stopped the need to compare. I happened to enrol in an online program and in it, I learnt one very important lesson that totally shifted my perspective.
Often, we have the tendency to measure our efficacy as parents by looking at how much we are doing, such as the number of enrichment classes our kids attend, how many hours of home learning activities we do with our kids etc. But doing this also tends to stress us up.
During the course, I learnt a different way of looking at the whole parenting experience and redefining what being a good parent means.
I learnt that instead of looking at the nitty gritty of parenting, we should focus on the fruits we are bearing forth.
Take myself as an example. I used to compare myself with other moms and think about how I’m not measuring up – crafty moms can do so many fun, interesting craft projects with their kids while I struggled to think of even one activity; moms talented in cooking can whip up such great meals for their kids almost effortlessly and I don’t even really enjoy cooking, and the list goes on and on.
But now I learnt to stop thinking such thoughts and instead look at what fruits I’m producing in my child to see if I’m heading in the right directions.
So what if I can’t do crafts? I can let him experience art in other ways, such as bringing him to art exhibitions. After all, am I trying to bring up an artist? I don’t think so, unless that’s really his interest.
So what if I can’t cook great meals and make gorgeous-looking bentos? As long as my son is well-nourished and growing up healthy, that’s what matters.
In the same manner, if a mom has never changed diaper for her kid, does that make her a bad mom? But if her child is one of the happiest and most confident child you ever meet – that must mean she has done something great as a mom, didn’t she? At the end of the day, it’s the fruits that we see that’s what truly matters.
I’m so thankful for this important lesson. It allowed me to let go of some preconceived ideas of good parenting that are actually stressing me up and helped me to be a more relaxed and happier parent. And isn’t enjoying our parenting process as important as nurturing our kids to be the best person he or she can be?
Hi! I'm Ruth.
I love hanging out at cafes. It's where I have heart-to-heart talks with friends, chill out with my hubby, spend solitary moments with a book in hand, do my work, plan my future and very often, to people-watch.
In starting this blog, I hope to create a cosy virtual space to share about my life after becoming a WAHM - the mundane and the not so mundane and lessons I am learning along the journey. 
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Cheers Mr Egg } – 
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Indeed!! Totally agree with u!
Thank you Angeline!
Isn’t such a huge revelation to realize that?! I’m never been a crafty-DYI-chef kind of mother but I’ve stopped comparing myself awhile ago when I was going through my divorce. It made me realized my son and I will have a different dinamic as a family so what…to me now his emotional health and well being is far more important and thankfully he seems to be a happy little boy surrounded by so much love. Great post Ruth!
Maureen recently posted..My Five Fitness Motivations
Maureen, I can’t say how liberating it is for me to finally let go of all those preconceived ideas and just trust that I can be a good mom in my own ways! You’re doing great with your son!
That’s so true.. to know that the list will be never ending if we contd to compare with other mothers – especially when we fail to make the mark – we immediately think we have failed! The process of growing up with the child and us as parents is so important. Steep learning curve nevertheless the rewards will be rich
Happy recently posted..Bundle of Joy
Indeed, the rewards of motherhood is great and it motivates us to be better individuals too as we grow with our kids
Amen!
I admit I also tend to compare myself with other moms and then get all stressed… thank you for the reminder! And that is a lovely picture!
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Glad the post resonated with you
Yes, I love that picture too!
You know mums can be a supportive bunch but they can also be the most judgemental creatures at the same time. I love what you said about the fruits you’re producing. And recently I came across this quote that struck me, “Values are caught, not taught”. There is so much that we can try to teach our kids, but they learn from our example and how we model for them is what they are going to learn. I can tell that there is so much liberation when you let go for meeting such expectations from others.
Susan recently posted..Motivational Monday {Linky Party} -Taking care of yourself for a change
The lesson about the fruits of our parenting is a great lesson I learnt and something that impacted me deeply. I love the quote you shared! Indeed, children learn fastest through modelling and it’s so important that we set the right example for them. Thanks for that reminder!