Heartbreaks and Mistakes

by Ruth on September 17, 2013

in Motherhood

I experienced a heartbreak recently. It started with a simple conversation with my son. I went into his room when he was playing and did what I do ever so often. I said to him, “Mommy loves you,” and wanted to reach out and hug him.

The little boy looked at me, and responded, “You don’t love me.”

Stunned by his answer, I asked why he said that.

“Because you always scold me…,” he turned away and walked out of the room. I thought I saw sadness on his face.

When I got over the initial shock, I began to reflect.

He was probably right.

Lately, I am stressed with the care of my mom (she’s diagnosed with dementia) and had been less patient with him. Still, that should not be an excuse.

While I am usually quick to praise him or tell him what he’s done well or done right, when it comes to his negative behaviours, I ought to do the opposite and be slow in reprimanding him.

Since that day, I have been very careful to be more patient with Kenan and not scold him unless it’s really necessary. I want him to feel loved; I want to care more, listen more and understand more.

And I’m thankful that my boy told me how he felt. Now rather than later.

As a mom, I’m just a newbie. I make mistakes. Like this one. In fact, I feel I’m making too many mistakes. But I’m reminded of something I read on Steady Mom:

As mothers, we have to be willing to make mistakes. It’s tempting to think that their life would be better if only we could offer our children a perfect childhood with a perfect mother.

But perfection doesn’t set them up for the real world. In real life, it’s messy at times. There are people who will disappoint and hurt them.

We prepare our kids for this world, not when we’re ideal, but when we mess up. We show them the need for and the freedom that comes from grace when we blow it and then apologize.

We model forgiveness, which can change their life entirely.

Yes, there are no perfect moms in this world. As long we truly love our kids and do our best as moms (even when we fall short), that’s all that matters.

That night, when I finally stepped out of the room, my boy ran to me and said, “Mommy, I still love you.” He gave me a hug and then went back to playing.

I don’t know what have I done to deserve such a sweet boy. I can only thank God for His special gift of blessing.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Carol September 17, 2013 at 2:32 PM

Thanks for sharing this. I learnt something that I need to learn today.

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Ruth September 17, 2013 at 5:28 PM

Hi Carol, glad the post spoke to you! Thanks for leaving a comment :)

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The Little Mom September 17, 2013 at 3:59 PM

Kenan is so sweet…. and thanks for sharing. It is a timely reminder as I find myself being impatience with the kids these days too.
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Ruth September 17, 2013 at 5:19 PM

Hi Little Mom, thanks for your comments :) Yes, sometimes what my boy says really melt my heart, and I believe your kids too.
When it comes to patience, I pray for double dose everyday!

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Susan September 18, 2013 at 12:08 AM

Sophie tell me that she doesn’t like to get scolded by me too and I know that at times, I’ve been too inpatient and harsh with her. Hope you’re coping fine Ruth. It’s not easy having to take care of a loved one who has dementia. Praying God’s strength for you.
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Ruth September 20, 2013 at 12:21 AM

Hi Susan, I guess no kids like to be scolded! I’m thankful that our little ones told us how they felt so at least we know and can do something about it so. I pray that they will still share so openly with us when they are older.

Coping with dementia is tough, so all prayers are appreciated! Thank you!

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