I know I’ve been quiet here. It was intentional at first, because there was too much work to be done and I just couldn’t squeeze out time for much else. Or maybe, I just didn’t have any words left for this space (I was working on a big writing project).
Then, last Tuesday my boy fell ill and it threw my schedule all off. Not only that, he was exceptionally trying. It was as if he suddenly discovered where to press all the buttons and to do it often enough. Was this the real ‘terrible twos’ or was it just him feeling unwell and needed to express his frustrations? I had no idea (but now, I have a feeling it’s the former).
I tried to be patient, but it was just too much for me at times. I lost it and shouted at him on a few occasions.
All these while, work was on my mind. I was supposed to have completed my project but suddenly, everything spun out of my control, and I didn’t like it a bit.
I was stressed, I was tired and I ached to see my little boy being sick. He was down with viral fever and ran a high temperature for a few days. He lost his appetite and I spent nights sponging him and waking him up from his sleep to take medication.
When we took him back to the paediatrician for the second time, he was coughing badly – almost a case of bronchitis, we were told. Since it was so hard to get him to take medication, the doctor advised us to put him on nebulizer for the weekend. It was his first and surprisingly, he took to the machine. He told us it’s like the firefighters putting on their mask. So we decided to play along with him each time he was on the nebulizer.
One early morning, I couldn’t sleep after giving Kenan his medication and decided to retreat to the living room to pray ( slept with him when he was running high fever so I could monitor his temperature throughout the night).
I didn’t know what to pray, I didn’t know what to ask. But peace just suddenly quieted my inner storms. Just like how in the book of Mark, Jesus was with his disciples in the boat and the wild winds and waves quickly calmed at His command, I felt it was just like that with my heart.
I was staring at the dark clouds, but Jesus told me to look beyond and see the light.
I didn’t know how soon Kenan will get well or when I could get my work done (it felt like never ending) but at that very moment, I knew I didn’t have to worry. I knew He will work all things out (especially the work part), I just have to trust.
Now, a week later, my work’s done and Kenan’s well. I’m so thankful for the peace to just carry on. Too often, I allow unnecessary fears and worries clog my mind and weigh my heart down. I’m thankful for this reminder to let go and walk with faith. After all, it’s never really us who are in control.
This post is a link up with Mama J’s Grateful Gatherings.